More of my Musings on being Missional

So today I was back in my mini-van with my youngest child listening to Vineyard praise. She is only 15 months old, but loves music and practically dances in her car seat, unable to contain her joy at hearing it. So in my laughter at her I started to pay attention to the words that were being sung. They made me think a lot about how music/songs can really shape our way of thinking and, yes, even our theology, from little on up.

There were a lot of songs about how Jesus loves us and we walk with Jesus. But then there was a song that said, "I just want to tell the whole world about you, Jesus! I want everyone to know about you!" My heart nearly burst with the meaning of those words. Another song talked about how Jesus SENDS us to GO and tell others about Him and be Light. I wonder how many songs I sang like that growing up. I remember "I will make you fishers of men" and "Go tell it on the mountain." But I can't help but wonder what happens to the fervor in the message of those songs. Do I really embrace their meaning as far as God's call on my life and that of my children and my family and my church congregation? Am I willing to really "GO?"

And as often happens in my life, I felt God's resounding message to me lately. Right now it is about what it means to truly be a disciple and to live a missional life. I still struggle with the radical part of all of that. I feel like I fail at that big time even though the idea intrigues me. Christ's call to discipleship is not just about my "reading my Bible and praying everyday" (another song I learned as a child), but it is a call to abandon all comforts and securities and Earthly things we are taught to trust in and placing our trust entirely on Him because He is the One who has called us! What am I really GIVING UP for the Gospel? I have everything I need and then some. And further, lots of trusted places for advice tell me I need to store up more here on Earth so that I am being a responsible adult, parent, citizen and even Christian. How does that line up with radical discipleship?

My brother's words and questions ring in my ears. Before his untimely death in 1997, David was involved in a very active missional church. His passion was in sharing about Jesus and he was talking about becoming a pastor. He had had an off and on relationship with a young Christian woman for several years, but to her frustration he was not ready to make a commitment to marriage. A few months before David died he told me why. He said that he felt called to live as Paul in the Bible (meaning he wanted to remain single). He was interested in his friend, but he was afraid that marriage would limit his ability to be whole-hearted in his time spent with God and serving God and reaching out to those around him.

It seems the longer I'm back here in the United States the more I understand and feel my brother's passion and urgency to live every moment with the awareness that people are in such need of Christ and the hope that He offers. People even here in Lancaster are living and dying, often with Christians all around them, yet never introduced to who Christ really is and what it means to live as His disciple. Even though I've tried hard to re-assimilate to American culture, now with a family of my own, I am becoming increasingly discontent with how I am living and what I am NOT doing in response to Christ's call. This reality calls me to reconsider in what ways I am "being sent" as a disciple of Christ.

I recall another missionary friend who once told us that it is so much harder to live as a missionary in your own culture or here in America than it is when you are in a different place where Christ has hardly ever been heard of. It is so true! It is too tempting to get sucked into "life as usual" even when life with Jesus should never be "as usual." I have not become attached to "things," so I could easily sell everything. But I am very susceptible to pride, worried what people will think of me or my family if we would just drop everything and Go! Obviously the practicalities of that are very complex, but more of an issue to me is having to deal with what people would say about our "leaving family" part and "dependence" part.

It takes a Christian community to support one another in our calling to do such counter-cultural missional living. It takes voices cheering one another on and reminding us that this is really what matters and what Christ wants for our lives. It takes affirmation that is stronger than the cultural nay-sayers who want to scare you into conformity with the world. It takes a community of Believers, discerning the Spirit's voice, to really get the ball rolling and move with a missional vision and hold one another accountable.

But obviously it is impossible to embark on a missional journey when one has not yet received the vision! I wish God would just shout it out to us! I'm the type that can dive head and foot into whatever I feel God wants us to be about and my biggest frustration has been not feeling sure about where God wants me to be investing that energy. It is a huge frustration on many fronts, even in raising my children. For I teach my children the ways of Christ and commitment and active love and care through the way we serve and reach out to others. But I feel like I live by the "random acts of kindness" rule -- RANDOM being the operative word. It's frustrating because don't feel like Christ sent his disciples out to act in random ways. Christ was intentional and clear with a purpose.

So I know we felt clear we were to return to Lancaster and to our home congregation, but apart from that, we don't know. It would be so great if our church congregation would decide on a unified "mission" that we could all focus on together. We are part of such a gifted and committed church family. There is so much potential there too! But maybe God has other plans. I have no idea. But that's the part I'm craving - the vision and the plan. We don't want to be about God's business on our own. I do not believe God calls us to live and work as "Lone Rangers." What I want to know is, "what is God calling His Church to? What is He calling His PEOPLE to? And how do we fit into that?"