A Winter Blahh

Ok, the snow is beautiful, but not as breathtaking as it was when I was a little girl, standing on the edge of a mountain forest, from where I could turn around to see the view of endless white fields sloping away to meet the light blue sky . . . or looking out my bedroom window to see the snowflakes falling through a faint beam from our outside pole light backdropped by the black night.

We live in the city now. The dark windows of our neighbors houses are like black eyes that watch your every move. And so we have blinds covering our windows. And even if I could leave my house and walk back to the open field behind the school near our home, the snow falling takes on a different hue in the yellow lights which line the streets and buildings.

I think I must be coming down with a winter blahh. Worse than a winter cold -- comes on quickly; I can't ward it off with extra Vitamin C. It's the kind of condition which makes me irrational and mopey. Anything that has been bothering me hurts worse and old wounds refester.

I received an update letter from David and Grace Shenk today. Brought tears to my eyes. First of all, the pictures of them in the various countries where they traveled made me really miss Cambodia and my life there. I know this is unfair, but I really am feeling the humdrum of life here again. Looking at their pictures, I heard myself say - "now that is real life!!! Exciting!" I get tired of the same old issues here. I get tired of life that seems static ... even though society seems to have changed so much in the last 50 years, it is amazing how some attitudes haven't. As usual, the Shenk's letter shed some hope and cheerful light, illuminating my own lack-luster attitude and less-than-hopeful outlook. Once again I am missing my friends with whom we shared each day, helping one another maneuver through life in a foreign culture and critique the issues of living as light in a strange land, among people of little hope but a lot to teach us.

Nowadays my daily challenges include trying to pack interesting and nutritious lunches for my children or adjusting my baby's feeding schedule to make her happier! I know in the long run, this is important work too, but, just as my body would appreciate more exercise right about now, my brain could use more at times too. I need to keep my study nights - the more I think about it, they are like my extra doses of vitamin C that may help to ward off my winter blahh.