Lonely America
The other night I was listening to a new mother answer the question, “so how are you adjusting to motherhood at home?” This woman is very talkative and social. Just the thought of her personality made me wonder the same question as she is now home alone with her new little baby boy every day while her husband is at work. She admitted that it took a lot of getting used to. She was very lonely at first. It made her realize how individualistic and private American culture is. No one ventured over to see how she was doing; she was really all alone! My heart went out to her. But to her credit and personality, she went on to say that after a short time of the lonely experience, she determined she was not going to let this happen. She said she calls people everyday. She inferred that she is on the phone a good part of the day! I had to chuckle, because I wouldn’t have the nerve to bother people like that each day. And here I am, reinforcing the downside of my culture . . . doesn’t my use of the word “bother” reveal my cultural upbringing?!
This woman went on to point out how years ago (and in many cultures today) women spent time together teaching each other the skills of homemaking, caring for babies and raising children. She is open about the fact that we all need advice and have questions and it is imperative that we support and help each other. I admired her attitude and courage. I also felt sorry for her because I thought about the fact that she needed to go searching for that support.
Why is it that our society doesn’t provide that kind of support automatically? My mother thinks I am too idealistic. Her comments to me when I talk about support and help include, “well I didn’t have that when I raised you kids! Women today think they need all this help. . .” I listen to my mother and I feel like I should just pull myself up by my own boot straps and put my nose to the grindstone, hiding my loneliness and uncertainties deep down inside behind a big confident smile. But after living abroad for most of married life up till now, I know better. American society has, for better or for worse, chosen to be a lonely society and we scorn those who can’t seem to make it on their own.
Unlike Jesus American society prefers to accept only those who can survive on their own. What happens to the low socio-economic status Americans? What happens to the low-educated? What happens to those who are dependent on others or addictions? Do we accept them in the same way we accept our middle class brothers and sisters or are these less-fit Americans only accepted as charity cases? Is it possible that they can become our friends too? Do we accept non-ethnic Mennos the same? Do we accept non-family members the same? Do we accept broken families the same? We quickly accept “fit” members of our communities, but it takes a lot more work and love to accept the less fit as Jesus did.
Friendship and love go a lot deeper than, “hi, how are you doing?” Friendship means that we make time to listen and follow-up on what we hear. Friendship means that you are the person your friend wants to talk to when you meet at church, not just because it is his job or she is just trying to be nice, but because he/she can’t wait to hear how your doctor appointment went or how your daughter did on her exam. Friendship is an act of giving but also making room in our schedule and heart to receive. Friendship provides the grace to forgive words, wipe tears and try again when our humanness gets in the way of sharing the love that is needed. Friendship is what nurtures community, and community is what nurtures the growth of the Church. Maybe I am idealistic, but my heart goes out to those who live in lonely America. Is it possible for American Christians to overcome American cliquishness, privacy, individualism and become open-communities where lonely Americans find friends who share life and the love of Jesus?
“Blessed are the poor in spirit . . . “
This woman went on to point out how years ago (and in many cultures today) women spent time together teaching each other the skills of homemaking, caring for babies and raising children. She is open about the fact that we all need advice and have questions and it is imperative that we support and help each other. I admired her attitude and courage. I also felt sorry for her because I thought about the fact that she needed to go searching for that support.
Why is it that our society doesn’t provide that kind of support automatically? My mother thinks I am too idealistic. Her comments to me when I talk about support and help include, “well I didn’t have that when I raised you kids! Women today think they need all this help. . .” I listen to my mother and I feel like I should just pull myself up by my own boot straps and put my nose to the grindstone, hiding my loneliness and uncertainties deep down inside behind a big confident smile. But after living abroad for most of married life up till now, I know better. American society has, for better or for worse, chosen to be a lonely society and we scorn those who can’t seem to make it on their own.
Unlike Jesus American society prefers to accept only those who can survive on their own. What happens to the low socio-economic status Americans? What happens to the low-educated? What happens to those who are dependent on others or addictions? Do we accept them in the same way we accept our middle class brothers and sisters or are these less-fit Americans only accepted as charity cases? Is it possible that they can become our friends too? Do we accept non-ethnic Mennos the same? Do we accept non-family members the same? Do we accept broken families the same? We quickly accept “fit” members of our communities, but it takes a lot more work and love to accept the less fit as Jesus did.
Friendship and love go a lot deeper than, “hi, how are you doing?” Friendship means that we make time to listen and follow-up on what we hear. Friendship means that you are the person your friend wants to talk to when you meet at church, not just because it is his job or she is just trying to be nice, but because he/she can’t wait to hear how your doctor appointment went or how your daughter did on her exam. Friendship is an act of giving but also making room in our schedule and heart to receive. Friendship provides the grace to forgive words, wipe tears and try again when our humanness gets in the way of sharing the love that is needed. Friendship is what nurtures community, and community is what nurtures the growth of the Church. Maybe I am idealistic, but my heart goes out to those who live in lonely America. Is it possible for American Christians to overcome American cliquishness, privacy, individualism and become open-communities where lonely Americans find friends who share life and the love of Jesus?
“Blessed are the poor in spirit . . . “
posted by Gecko Girl at
8:22 PM
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