Cultural Fatigue

My husband told me a funny story he heard about the Mennonites (and related Anabaptists) who serve on his organization's Board. About half of the Board is comprised of Anabaptists from Swiss-German descent. The other half are from ethnic Russian roots. People often comment about the way the Board approaches important discussion and votes. And what is more surprising is how the votes tend to come out.

The generalization in the story was that the Swiss-Germans will discuss in a very quiet and peaceful manner. They express opposing views, but then seem to all quiet down and smile a lot -- to the point that you think that they have all come to an agreement. Then the vote happens. Surprisingly the members of the group reveal that they did not all come to agreement and there are still problems and sometimes even hard feelings. But those feelings are never discussed. People will leave and reconvene and still not budge on their convictions. To an outsider, this would be most surprising considering their demeanor through it all.

The Russians, on the other hand, appear to argue and argue, sometimes sounding angry with one another. They express opposing views freely and toss the issues back and forth. Then the vote comes. What an outsider cannot understand is how the Russians will end up voting opposite of how they were arguing in the meeting. Apparently through the argument they had all convinced one another of the benefits of an opposing view and they all changed their minds. To an outsider, this may have gone unnoticed, so the vote results would be surprising.

What is really funny to me is imagining these combined dynamics going on in a Board meeting where important decisions need to be made and there is limited time to make them. It is truly a miracle that they can work together for so much good! I also laugh because I KNOW and UNDERSTAND these dynamics VERY WELL!!! I have Ukrainian roots (as well as high-German ones) but not Swiss German. I remember very clearly my Ukrainian grandfather encouraging us to discuss issues about all kinds of things. When my grandmother would say "that is enough now!" my grandfather would retort, "no, now we are having a good argument here!" And then I married into a family and culture of Swiss Germans. Moreover, I have worked with Swiss Germans for much of my life and would say that I have tried hard to assimilate to that culture. But every once in a while (or maybe more often than I'm willing to recognize) I slip back into my "Russian" cultural upbringing.

And I further admit that there have been times I have caused pain - real pain - in a few Swiss Germans who had no idea how to deal with me. When I think of those experiences, I do not laugh, but rather feel remorseful, even though our cultural responses to things are usually not intentional.

But as I reflect on acculturation and assimilation, I realize that this example is one that is just as real to me as it was when I lived in Asia. There are always times when one must be conscious of one's surroundings and the expectations of the group in order to make meaningful and respectful contributions. In one of those situations where I know I offended someone, I remember well, there was another person in the group with similar background as myself, so I slipped into that way of communicating. It was easy and comfortable. . .I forgot myself and the feelings of the others in the group. There have been other examples when I just wanted to express myself as I really was thinking. In cases like that, I can fall back into my "native" patterns.

I call this concept of "slipping back" an example of cultural fatigue, something that hit me a lot in Cambodia, especially in the beginning. The intensity of acculturation or remaining an appropriate part of the "other" culture can sometimes wear a person out. So in times of stress or fatigue, it is easy to slip back. I can honestly say that in those times I can often sense the imbalance, but it's as if I am too tired to figure out how to aright it. And sometimes we can be completely unaware of ourselves.

So does that mean people who acculturate are never themselves? I don't know. I would tend to believe this phenomenon is a real part of the process of becoming bi-cultural. Along with that process needs to come the self-awareness to know it is happening. And sometimes we can laugh about it, and sometimes we just need to say, "I'm sorry."